It months now since my last post and a lot has happened since then. It has been a while since I shared anything on the blog and it has also taken me a while to put all my words and thoughts down for this post. I also thought a lot about writing this post; asking myself if I will regret it later on in life, but then I remembered a quote I heard once, “don’t be scared of sharing your story, you never know, it might just change someone’s life”. Well here is the reason as to why I have been MIA for a long time.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and sometimes things happen to people and it changes them, it transforms them, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. The change depends on the person and or the event that takes place. In my case, it was a journey of awakening and transformation.
Like many women I always participate in the Breast Cancer Awareness month activities, I walk, I raise awareness and most importantly I go through a screening test. Only last year’s screening came with shocking news. Last year with my colleagues I underwent a screening and as the Doctor was examining my breast she kept going back to the same spot and she then said, “Do you feel that?” I didn’t reply and she asked again “do you feel that? Here give me your left hand”. She place my left hand on my right breast, “I feel it”, I said. “There is a lump right here near your nipple”, said the Doctor. Then she asked, “haven’t you ever felt that?” I told her that I was always told that I have lumpy breasts from breastfeeding my two children. And she had this look on her face, which made me freeze for about half a minute. She said Zena, I would advice you have this checked because of its size. Now you can imagine what was going through my head at the time; I just heard CANCER, CANCER, CANCER.
I thought of my children and my husband and my life and I though this is it, if this is what God has planned for me then so be it, I will cross that bridge when I get to it. The Doctor then realized that I had drifted off into panic mode and she reassured me that it is nothing to worry about and that as a Doctor it is her duty to advice me on the best next steps and that sometimes these lumps are just lumps or cysts and are not cancer and that it is good to check and be sure. She also went on to talk about the risks, and cause of Breast Cancer, which at that point she had already left me at Cancer and that is all I could think about. That same night I told my husband and the next day we told our immediate family members.
The tests: I went through a number of tests and added extra test to make sure we cover everything so it was a full medical check up. Vials and vials of blood were taken, I mean I have two children I never had that many vials of blood taken out. After the tests it was a few days of agony waiting for the results. Results day came and I remember as I was walking into the Doctors office I thought to myself “I have a great life full of blessings, joy, love and laughter, if it is cancer then I will lead the same life until I can no longer”. I sat down, my sister sat next to me and we listened. “It’s a cyst, actually there are 3 of them, but they are not malignant, you will be fine”. All I could feel was my sister squeezing my hand; I think it was out of relief and her joy of the good news. I was relieved, I was thankful, I was happy.
The awakening: this experience was an awakening for me; appreciating and celebrating life, God, and remembering to take one day at a time, because you just don’t know how long you got on this earth we call home. I try enjoy life’s everyday little things, I can do today I don’t leave for tomorrow. I put on my favourite shoes on even when it’s not for a ‘special occasion’. I enjoy all things good and bad in moderation. I’m learning to say ‘No’ when I have to and to let go of things and situations that I cannot control. I am learning to control my emotions and communicate better and not bottle up things. I have also spent the last few weeks regaining my discipline in eating and exercising regime.
Visualize: think it and it will happen. I love making lists, I make lists of all the things I blessed with and grateful for. There is a lot you can do for yourself, because I’ve learnt and still learning that life is what you make of it. Being happy is a state of mind and no matter who you are or where you come from; you are the writer of your own story.
Thank you: Thanks for those of you who checked me via, email, whatsapp, messages, and phone calls and of course Facebook and Instagram DMs. I truly feel blessed and I feel good to have shared this and I hope that it will inspire you to also share some of your stories; I would love to read them.
Happy New Year!